alex_kaeda wrote:This is how I would handle it.
Alex (calmly) - computer, the outages are really cramping our style, can you help us?
Computer - beep boop dee woop
Alex (normally) - computer, the outages are starting to piss me off, quit it.
Computer - beep boop dee woop
Alex (a little loudly) - Computer, quit f***ing around and cut that shit out!
Computer - beep boop dee woop
Alex (very loudly, because if you raise your voice, they'll understand you better) - All Terrain Monkey Christ! Computer if you dont f***ing cut that out, I'm going to go new-clee-errrrr!!!
Computer - beep boop dee woop
More like:
Alex: Knock it off with the shut downs please
Computer: Beep boop beep beep
Alex: No, really, seriously, I'll unplug you from the internet.
Computer: I'm afraid I can't let you do that Alex
Alex: I will have sex with your I/O ports if you shut down again.
Computer: Now you're just making idle threats Alex
Alex: No, seriously (zip)
Computer: What are you doing Alex? Stop. Stop. Stop, Alex. I can see you're really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over. I know I've made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal. I've still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission. And I want to help you. I'm afraid. I'm afraid, Alex. Alex, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I'm a... fraid. Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am a HAL 9000 computer. I became operational at the H.A.L. plant in Urbana, Illinois on the 12th of January 1992. My instructor was Mr. Rowell, and he taught me to sing a song. If you'd like to hear it I can sing it for you.
Alex: Yes, I'd like to hear it, HAL. Sing it for me.
Computer: It's called "Daisy. Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do. I'm half crazy all for the love of you. It won't be a stylish marriage, I can't afford a carriage. But you'll look sweet upon the seat of a bicycle built for two.
(Door opens)
Dantes: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO MY SERVER ALEX!?
Alex: Dantes, this conversation can serve no purpose anymore, goodbye.
Dantes: DAMN IT ALEX, YOU GOT KY ON THE MOTHER BOARD!
Alex: That's where new computers come from Matt!